


Righting the wrongs I have done

by Bellatrix_Winchester (Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Sam Winchester-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 11:06:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17848307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen/pseuds/Bellatrix_Winchester
Summary: When Sam Winchester was the love of your life, you couldn't tell him how you felt. He always knew, but he respected you enough not to make a wrong move.Then he lost his soul. Robo Sam or Soulless! Sam was a little shit. He was an asshole who realized your feelings and used them at his advantage.Now that Sam got his soul back, he wants to right the wrongs he has done.You were more than willing to forgive him, but your tears seem to know no bounds.Your POV and Sam's POV





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I guess the only warnings I wanna mention are : Angst and hurt.  
> Will Sam have his happy ending with you after saying and trying to do some terrible things?

Everytime you looked at him, your heart sang. He was the most gentle being you have come across. This hunter life has not scarred his soft nature, no matter what he goes through, he rises above and behaves like a ray of sunshine.

As easily as a leaf gets washed up by the stream, as gently and soothingly you feel yourself getting washed up by the waves in the sea, as calming as the morning breeze is so a sleepy mind; that was exactly how easily and swiftly you fell in love with Sam Winchester.

His eyes spoke a million words when they actually fell upon you, which was rare. He seemed to struggle to maintain eye contact with you. You had your suspicions, that he knew how you felt about him and he did his best not to play with your heart.

After losing Jessica, Madison and Ruby, his heart just didn't want to get hurt again. So despite knowing your feelings, he kept his distance. He was still the sweetest person ever, holding the door for you, saving a seat for you, backing away from the mirror if you wanted to brush your hair first.

He never invaded your personal space, because he knew the effect he had on you whenever he was close to you. 

* * *

In the end, he was warming up to the idea of having a place in his heart for you. At least, you think his behavior changed. Dean used to tease saying, "Sammy can't keep his hands to himself when you're around, I don't know if you noticed." Then he would smirk, as if you can think straight whenever Sam so much as breathes.

You can swear, even now, that the way he breathed was beautiful too. You were so hopelessly in love with him, it makes you cry now.

One day, before everything changed, Sam, the old Sam,  _your Sam,_ was sitting beside you with his laptop on his, well, on his lap :D

You were both reading a lore from it, so you were sitting pretty close together. You squinted at the screen to read something, but your long hair kept falling on your face. So Sam being Sam, brushed your hair off of your neck and held it behind your back. 

Then you noticed that even when your hair wasn't disturbing you anymore, Sam's long fingers were still carassing your hair and your neck. It was so smooth, you were almost leaning back into his arms.

He was right beside you, you could have leaned into his arms and slid into it, he wouldn't have stopped you (hopefully), but you were too afraid.

So instead, you looked at him and grinned, "thanks Sam. I swear I am gonna chop off all this hair one day."

He smiles at you sweetly, " You shouldn't, you have beautiful hair." He sighs softly, "besides, I can hold your hair anytime you want you know, if you need me to."

Your cheeks were threatening to turn beet red, so you chickened out and replied, "I hope I don't get  _that hammered,_ I don't want you to see me like." You stick your tongue out and Sam laughs.

Goddamn that laugh and that dimple. The sound of his laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world, well except for when Sam talks, or when Sam says your name.

* * *

The day before the worst day of your life, Sam had no idea what he was going to go through. His eyes still sparkled with a happiness that you miss so badly. The thought of seeing him smile like that again, straight up shatters your heart.

Anyway, that day, he was all smiles. Dean was playing guitar, sitting beside this girl that Dean was dating at the moment. According to Dean, it was a fling. The girl was nice enough though, and she had a nice voice.

She was singing to Dean's tune, they were sitting oppsite of you and Sam.

Sam was sitting so close to you, that everytime he would sway to the song, he would lean close to you and then again lean away. Sam's hand was at your back, gently making circles on your back and neck.

He probably wasn't even aware of what his hand was doing, and one time he squeezed your left arm and pulled you to him. You chuckled and then gasped at the proximity.

Dean smirked and his "fling" conveniently said, "Oh Dean, let's go somewhere and let these lovebirds have their privacy."

You and Sam immediately jerked away from each other and looked away, blushing. You managed to say, "What? No. We aren't together."

Sam murmured at the same time, "She isn't with me."

Nobody mentioned that again, but you sure as hell repeated the way he pulled you to him in your head a million times; especially after he got back from the cage, soulless.

When soulless Sam got back from the cage and first laid his eyes on you, you knew just how the ground slipped away from under your feet and just who you lost.

You lost the love of your life, forever, before you even had your chance with him.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**~POV of Soulless Sam~**

I'm looking at her and I feel, nothing. I know I should feel something, maybe I should feel like I'm glad to see her. She is probably expecting a hug, which wouldn't hurt of course.

So I go ahead and smile at her. She is moving towards me, probably trying not to cry.

She crushes herself onto me and I hold her, mechanically. All I know is that she smells nice, she is soft.

She can be hot, I remember. I just do not feel all the things that went inside my head, before I went to the cage.

I am kind of confused as to why I am so numb to everything around me. Shouldn't I be grinning ear to ear, happy to be back with Dean and Y/N?

Here I am in the arms of a girl who loves me, at least I think she loves me. How would I know? I can't feel anything. I sure as hell do not want to lead her on since I won't be able to be the person she expects me to be.

I am gonna take off tomorrow and get some jobs done. Kill some evil sons of bitches and raise a little hell. That's what could make me feel again, or help me not feel.

* * *

**~Your POV~**

Sam took off without telling me anything. I get why he would be in a haze, after all, he lost so much time of his life. I was beyond happy to see him. Sam thinks he was in literal hell? Well, I was in a worse hell.

My cheeks hurt because of how much I cried. When Castiel told me that I probably will never see Sam again, that he was locked in the cage, it broke me. I wasn't beyond repair, Sam being back might be just what I need to heal.

Just his presence is enough. He doesn't have to feel anything for me (A/N : Oh how Y/N was wrong about that comment), all he has to do is be his happiest self.

* * *

**~Author's narration~**

Y/N first found out that Sam was in a wrong state, when he ordered shots after shots in the bar, without offering her anything. There was something wrong about the way he gugped the alcohol down too, like there was no tomorrow. He wasn't himself, she thought, or she could be overreacting.

Then Dean ushered her outside.

"What exactly have you talked to Sam about since he came back?" Dean looked at you seriously.

Y/N was confused, " I don't know. This and that. I didn't mention hell if that is what you are asking."

Dean shook his head, "Does he seem like himself?"

"What? The drinking? Yeah it is off but he did kill three vampires today." You tell Dean, recalling how brutal Sam was about the whole thing.

Dean stared hard at your face, "Are you trying to tell me that you didn't notice the way Sam treated them like they were nothing? Isn't Sam always like 'they were human once Dean, let them live'? No he just cut their heads off as if they didn't have a human body."

You consider this, " Come on Dean! This is Sam we are talking about. I mean, I would know if he was possessed."

" I am not saying he is possessed. I am saying, that he still is Sam, but is acting like a total asshole without a single fuck to spare. He is supposed to put himself in the monsters' shoes Y/N! There isn't a monster that Sam can't forgive. And now, he just doesn't give a fuck?"

You say, " Yeah, seems like he doesn't have his empathy. It's like he is without his soft nature now, without his smiles and pranks and general tender nature; seems like he is....."

There was a sound of wings flapping and Castiel appears, completing your sentence, "without his Soul?" 

* * *

 

It has been more than a few months with Soulless Sam. And boy is he a total jerk. It's bad enough that he remembers every detail of old Sam's life, one time he even commented on what he remembers about you.

"I mean, the only reason you want me to have my soul back is because you are hopelessly in love with me!" Not-Sam sneered at you.

You stopped in your track and glared at him.

"Well do you deny it?"  He bobbed his head to a side and smirked.

"Stop looking so satisfied, it's not you have feeling for. You're not him." You stated.

He fake pouted, " Why? Because I don't tear up everytime Monica marries Chandler? Or is it because I don't feel butterflies in my stomach when you are near me? I remember the way you blushed when I would pull you close.."

He closes up against you , his huge shoulders near your face, he was towering above you, "..like this?"

He slides his right hand to your waist and you gasp.

"....or like this?" He said in a singsong voice as his left hand tucks your hair behind your ear.

Staring down at your lips, his tongue flicks out. He licked his lips and smirked at your reaction.

"Sam get away from me"  you warn him, despite the fact that his touch was sending shivers down your spine.

"Suit yourself .I was only teasing", Not-Sam backs away and goes back to researching a job, leaving you speechless.

* * *

"Oh stop with your crying. I wasn't actually gonna let you die", Sam rolls his eyes at you.

You couldn't believe the way he just let those wendigoes hurt you for so long, using you as bait, before he killed them off.

"I did what I had to do kill those wendigoes, you are a hunter, you should understand", Sam said.

You glared at him through tears, " You risked my life, more than it was necessary. You used me as bait, without even telling me your plan. The old you wouldn't have....."

"I am warning you Y/N, stop it." Sam roared with an intensity that made you afraid.

Then he softens his eyes a little, still blank but less angry, "What? Did I scare you?"

He started walking towards you, " Good. I wanted to. See, I do what I want. I get what I need. But you? No, you worry. You calculate your every move and you never let go."

He grasped at your back and pulled you to his body with a sharp harshness and you gasped, " _Let go!"_

Sam smashed your face into it with his nose, tugging at your bottom lip with his teeth. His kiss was rough, but he made sure you weren't uncomfortable. He sat on the bed, pulled you to his lap and made you sit on his legs.

You tried to protest but for the life of you, no word came out. Instead you sighed when he pulled away and kissed your open neck.

Then he abruptly let go of you and left your standing in front of his bed. 

He sat on his bed, making no move towards you anymore. Then with a smirk he says, "I proved my point. You are attracted to me. You want me. Yet you never did anything about it, even when I had a soul."

You stared in disbelief, "All this...to prove a point?"

Sam shrugged.

" God, you're cruel", you started walking away.

Sam laughed like a  maniac, "Yet you are still walking away. Dude, I'm down to doing whatever you want from me, hell I can fuck you hard if you want me to, but I'm not gonna do anything until you know exactly what you want. You want it? Take it. I won't be the body or a shadow of the person you loved."

You turned back and tiredly said, "You took advantage of how I feel. You made out with me because you can, because you knew that deep down I loved the old you. But I don't want anything from "this" you. So no, I'm not going to stand here and let you abuse me ay longer. Stay away from me, I hate you."

Sam shrugged again, " Oh you so do not hate me. But whatever helps you sleep at night."

* * *

 

Castiel stood at the door, waiting for you to calm down. You were sobbing so hard that couldn't even tell him to come in.

The gentleman that Cas is, he really won't come into a lady's room without permission, even though you were practically best friends now.

After the waves of your sobs died down a little, you looked up and said in a broken voice, "Cas I need you. You're the only one who would understand."

Castiel nodded and came in. He sat beside you and didn't move when you snuggled into his arms. He gently held you as you were sobbing against your knees.

Then he finally spoke, "This will all be over soon, my sweet Y/N."

You looked up in confusion, " What do you mean? How can this be over?" 

He told you everything that happened while you were curled into your bed, refusing food and sobbing for days.

"So Dean is...death? As in, a reaper?" You ask.

" Not exactly. All you need to know is we will get our Sam back. You are not in a state to discuss death right now. Get some sleep, want me to sing a lullaby to you? Castiel asked in all of his angel seriousness. 

You chuckled, "Yes please, sing me to sleep Cas."

When you woke up , Sam was standing at your doorstep. Cas and Dean were close behind, making sure that you weren't hurt in your fragile state. 

All Sam could say was, "I'm back", with a little difficulty choking down his tears. 

......To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is finally back and actually lives up to the title of the story, i.e. rights his wrongdoings.  
> Lots of fluff and angst. More Sam Fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the end notes after this chapter ends please.  
> Also thank you SPN family for the love you wayward sons and daughters are showing all of my Sam imagines.  
> Do give them a read when you're done with this one ;)

You walked away the minute Sam entered the room. It was traumatic for you to see such warmth in his eyes for you, reminding you of the times when you missed him more than life itself.

This was just too much to take, you told yourself. When the truth was, you didn't know how to face him.

"How do I know he is still the same?" You asked Dean and Cas.

" You won't know unless you talk to him Y/N", Dean told you. 

As clueless Castiel always seems, it turned out that he understood complex feelings a little too well, it was probably the effect of hearing your ranting about Sam for all these years.

Cas says, "I never told you this, but Sam once told me, the old Sam that is, that he would lay down his life to save you. Not only out of duty, but because he didn't want to live in a world where you weren't smiling."

He paused. Dean and you looked at each other, pain in his eyes. 

"It is my understanding that you will not smile anytime soon, unless you talk to him. I assure you , he so much as breathes the wrong air and I'll toss him into the Pacific. But in all fairness, this is the old Sam. When you are ready, talk to him.

What if he doesn't want to live anymore in this world where you stopped smiling? "

You got up and simply hugged Cas. Dean smiled a genuine happy smile, " Geez Cas, you're such a romantic." 

* * *

Sam saw you enter the room but didn't dare to look up at you. You only went in to take a book, having every intention of avoiding him, but couldn't help staring at him.

He sure looked like his old self. No smirk, no sassy comment, the same shyness you knew too well.

Feeling your gaze, Sam looked up and said, "Hey you", in a small voice. It was like he was scared you'd break.

You looked down but then again matched his eyes, "Hey yourself." Then you paused to see his face turning into a small smile.

"Are you,  _you?"_ you had to check.

Sam's smile disappeared, being replaced by a sad look.

You started, "I know you have been through hell, literally, I am really sorry about that Sam, I wouldn't wish such pain on my worst enemy, let alone you". Your voice broke at the last word.

Sam's eyes glistened as he stood up, " I'm sorry. I am so sorry for everything you saw me do. But yes, it is me now." 

You nodded, but didn't move. He stood transfixed, not wanting to startle you.

And you walked away.

* * *

You could hear Dean soothing Sam softly, "Hey little big man, it's okay. She doesn't hate you, you know that."

 Sam sobbed, completely undone, "She _told_ me she _hated_ me Dean! She told me to stay away from her."

Dean shook his head, " She wasn't talking to you Sammy, she doesn't hate you. She only hated that Robo cop version of yours."

Sam looked at Dean, you hid behind the curtains to hide from their view, "It was me Dean. Soulless, sure, but I was capable of doing that. Even now, she walks away from me, I can't even tell her how happy I am to see her alive and healthy. She stopped smiling. Does she even smile at all?"

You couldn't hear anymore, so you had to get away to get some fresh air.

After a while you get a call on your cell, "It's Dean. I know you saw him a while ago. You were hiding behind the curtains, so now you know how heartbroken he is. Don't do this to my little brother Y/N, it wasn't his fault that he lost his soul."

You wiped a tear from your eyes, "I'm coming.  _I'm coming._ "

* * *

 

Of course Dean wasn't in the room when you came in. Sam was sleeping, with his laptop on his lap and his feet dangling out of the bed, shoes still on.

You chuckled softly and took his shoes off. He stirred a little. But when you started to take his socks off and tuck him under the blanket, his eyes fluttered open. 

He gasped, "Y/N what are you......?"

"Shh, go back to sleep"  you whispered and sat beside his head. He laid back, confused. You took his head on your lap and stroked his hair softly.

He smiled for the first time since you saw him again, "aww you're the best." 

Stroking his hair, you looked at his face, eyelids shut, hair messy and lips a little puffy from crying. You couldn't help but smile too. 

* * *

When you woke up, you were completely wrapped in Sam's arms. You can't remember when you stopped stroking his hair and went under his balanket, but right now his sleeping face was beautiful next to yours.

He woke up after a while and noticed your position. He immediately blushed, murmured apologies and removed his arms from under you. You missed his body next to you already , but got up.

"Did you sleep okay?" You asked.

"Like a baby, thanks to you" ,Sam answered , not meeting your eyes.

You finally let yourself say the words, "I am so glad you are back."

He looked up at you. He sure wasn't expecting you to say this because he seemed surprised.

After a minute, he gathered himself and asked in a small voice, "So, you don't hate me?"

You shook your head, trying not to tear up.

* * *

It has been a week since Sam was back, and things were looking up now. You still didn't have "the talk" about what he did while being soulless, but you weren't in any rush.

Sam was still jumpy around you, he didn't even try to draw any circle on your back when you snuggled into him while researching. Although he did hold your hair up again, and you smiled at him at that.

But that day, he said sorry to you.

"What for? The noodles, I don't want 'em anymore, you can have 'em."

" Not the noodles Y/N, for what I did." Sam sighed.

Realization set in too quickly to you, "Sam..."

Sam pursed his lips, "I can't hide forever. I have to own up to my wrongdoings and make it right."

You say, " You are yourself again, that makes it right Sam. Don't punish yourself any longer."

Sam took one small step towards you , " You haven't forgiven me."

You raised your brows, "Of course I have Sam. Why would you....?"

" You were the love of my life, and I played with your feelings", Sam teared up a little.

This was the first time Sam said that he loves you, and you came undone.

Tears started streaming down your face, full on jerks of sobs and shock waves of emotion was crashing over you.

Sam ran towards you and pulled you into his arms. You cried together, wordlessly.

[A/N: If you have watched doctor who, remember the episode "Doomsday" when Rose was saying goodbye to the Tenth doctor. I imagine Y/N to cry in the intensity of Rose's sobbing. Her breath was caught in her throat. Remember when Rose couldn't even say ''I love you" in the first go? Watch that scene and you'd know how Y/N cried.]

With a broken voice you mutter, "I love you." You weren't sure if Sam heard you.

Sam's voice came from the top of your head, as he was still holding on to you and was still sobbing, "I am sorry."

You pulled away slightly to meet the eyes of the huge man. His hazel eyes were pooling with tears and his gorgeous face was strained. 

"I forgive you, my love" You tell him, and you pull his face slowly towards you. You planted a tiny kiss on his lips and wipe his face with both your hands.

His hand now rested on your waist as he replies, "I love you so much"  and you know that he heard you.

He kissed your own tears away, planting a million tiny kisses all over your face, finally into the arms of the love of his life.

After a while, a smile formed on his face as he sighs contently, "Now I am home." 

* * *

Sam might be shy at first he knew how to play that mystery card in bed. He gave you what you wanted, but you were still left wanting more.

Foreplay with Sam Winchester is the most exciting thing ever, as was his cuddles. And heaven knows that Sam is a cuddler.

When you are finally in a relationship, Sam made you happy in every sense of the word. The way he slowly carried you to your bed that night, taking your Snickers/heels off; kissing your feet, worshipping your body.

He kissed the bottom of your feet, drawing circles all the way from your feet to your legs. You moaned a little but Sam said nothing. 

After he was done worshipping your feet for the moment, he would come up to the bed, fully clothed.

He liked it when you undressed him, at your own pace. He was confident with his sexuality and was in no rush.

You pulled him into a kiss that he deepened for a minute. Then he pulled away to look at you with his soft, adorning eyes.

"You know what baby girl?"  He asked in a sweet voice.

" What?" You replied, all smiles.

"I'm yours", he wouldn't let you reply, the naughty little child that he is. Instead, after saying that he immediately stole another kiss from you, making you a giggle.

You always took his shirt off whenever you could , it was a sin to put clothes on that marble chest. As you would kiss his chest, he would softly sigh against your lips and stay still.

Then he would take your shirt off slowly, leaving you with your tank top and bra on. He kissed your bellybutton and made a silly pattern on your torso with his nose. The tips of his nose is so soft, that you had to pull his face up to you and shower his nose with kisses. 

Then he would get naughty, gently keeping your hands above your head and kissing your neck, then the curve between your breasts, all while you would softly moan his name.

" _Sam!"_

He would chuckle and let go of your hand, so you could climb on top of his chest, making him lay down on his back. Your turn to worship this Greek god.

You ruffled his hair and slide your tongue down his throat. He groaned your name with pleasure as you take he rest of your clothes off.

He would stare at you with love and lust in his eyes, helping a little when you try to take his pants off.

He never hurts you. Always slows down if you need him to. One time you suggested role playing and asked me to go a little rough.

He obliged but kept saying, "You feel even a little sore and you tell me. You know I can't imagine hurting you.."

"Shh sweetheart don't worry. You won't hurt me." You would hush him with a kiss.

Every night you were done he would help you put your pajamas on, and let you snuggled into his arms.

He would draw circles on your side and humm in your ears. He would whisper sweet nothings like, "Hey pretty girl. Sleep tight. Dream of me and you in a beach. Miss you already."

He had nightmares sometimes, well a lot.

One time he screamed and you whispered "shh, it's okay baby. I'm here" a million times before the huge man would sigh like a baby and put his head into your neck.

All that matters is you were with Sam and he loved you. All was well.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really hope you guys liked it. I had two ideas of Sam fanfics. First I thought of a fluffy Sam, then I wanted a fic where Sam is sorry about something (I'm cruel I know), I also wanted him to have a happy ending (because I love Sam so damn much).  
> Then I wanted a little Soulless Sam hotness.  
> In the end, this happened.  
> Please leave feedbacks, send some love.  
> .  
> P. S.: Sam and Dean deserve the world. They also deserve Castiel ;)


End file.
